This week I went out on what could only be framed as the greatest non date I have been on in a long time - so long that one could even hypothesize it was my best non date ever. This non date was brought to you by a man, a married man. A married man who isn't living full time with his partner because of their work. It was this detail that initially had me wondering if this was going to be a date when he first proposed we hang out.
This man is someone I met a couple of times at some work events. At the end of one such events, he said to me that he thought I was pretty great and that we should hang out some time. I said sure, and when I went home emailed him to see if he really meant it. I mean, I am single afterall, he is cute and I had already started thinking I should put myself out there for opportunities. He responded to my email(three days later) and said, yes that would be great but he was really busy until the new year. So we made a plan to meet two months from that point. At the time I was unsure if it was a date or not, as the messages were flirty ... in a non commital way. Not knowing if something is or isn't a date isn't new behavior for me. I have often thought something wasn't a date when it was, or was a date when it wasn't. In hindsight, anyone who isn't looking to make a plan with you right away, probably isn't looking for a date. Those tend to be more immediate, but I digress.
So two months came and went in speedy fashion as they seem to these days. Between work, the kids, and attempting to have a social life the weeks fly by. Once the day finally arrived we met for a drink at my neighbourhood pub and split a hard cider - as there was literally only one cider in the whole bar - and began to share our life stories. How he met and courted his wife (not dating material), how I met courted my ex, how we find ourselves living in our respective cities, some of our work history, etc. With one shared drink in us we moved onto my favourite restaurant for some food and more stories. We each had a mocktail (dear lord who have I become) and continued with the story sharing.
For a good while we talked back and forth about life, about leadership, our journey's as leaders in spaces, some successes, some fears, and I began to think that he was going to pitch me on becoming my executive coach (again, not dating material), but then we pivoted and he said we should each share a good drinking story (more date like). He shared something about getting really drunk at 16, and I shared a story about getting really drunk as a bridesmaid in a wedding, which is also the story of how I quit smoking 20 years ago. After dinner we each had tea (again, who the fuck have I become) and continued with more personal stories of exotic travel and nights we will never forget. Once done our tea and our goodbyes, he said we should do it again, and I said sure, sounds lovely. We will see if anything materializes, as he is a very busy man, and also married, so not sure where a new out of town friend fits into his master plan.
So, that is my great non date. There was real chemistry, shared interest, lovely laughter and real touching moments through the evening. That in itself is rare, so it is okay that did didn't end in kissing or sex, it was date in a get to know you, have a real spark of connection way. I think the most important thing about the night as that it was a good reminder that I like meeting new people, sharing space, telling stories, hearing stories, and discovering how alike or different you are from the person across the bar. That I can still make people laugh, make them think and event surprise them a little. It is good to blow the dust off the cover of the best stories from your past and revel in the newness of telling them to someone for the first time. Remembering details you have forgotten as it has been so long since you have had a new audience for this tale or that one. Watching their face, hearing them laugh and each interrupting the other as excited inquiries and tangents pour out of you both.
From this non date, I now know something I knew months ago when he and I first made this plan - I do indeed want more nights like this with real connection. But what I didn't know was that I also want nights with the tension, and the passion that lead to physical exploration, not just the mental and emotional connection. It won't be tomorrow, but I think soon, this single girl is going to put herself back out there to ride the rollercoaster of dating again even with all the twist and turns, highs and lows ... time buckle up and enjoy the ride!
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